ago I was a Sophomore in college. I had recently turned 20. It was a Tuesday. I had a late class that day. So like any good college student I was sleeping in. It was a good sleep. Peaceful. Restful. Oblivious. You know the kind where you have pleasant dreams...as your parents say to you when they put you to bed, "Sweet dreams."
And then I got woken up. It didn't happen like it was supposed to happen. It was supposed to be John Lennon singing The Beatles song "I'm Only Sleeping." Instead my phone rang. It rang "early" (relatively speaking of course). I was annoyed. I answered, and it was my friend Chris..."Are you alright?" "Uh, yeah. Why?" "Didn't you talk to Brian?" "No. I was sleeping. Why?" "Um, I don't know how to tell you this. Turn on your TV." "What channel?" "Any channel." (This can't be good.)
You see...the last time a call like this came in to my room I was a freshman. It was VERY early in the morning, and our phone rang. Marissa got up to answer it. It was a mom...looking for her child. Bonfire had collapsed. She didn't have the right phone number.
But, this time...I turned on the TV. I mean...obviously this was not good news. So, I turned it on. I don't think I was on the phone with Chris anymore. And there it was. The South Tower of the World Trade Center...and a plane flew right into it. Oh. My. God. That couldn't have just happened...my brain is racing...what is going on? What floor does my dad work on? Oh God! And then it collapsed. You see...I was watching a replay of the plane hitting the building. I didn't realize at first that there had been more time. I thought I just watched my dad die on TV.
Luckily...I finally got to the point that I realized this is not what happened. There had been more time. More plane crashes. But, still...my dad is in there...was in there? I began frantically calling people. I couldn't get my phone to call New Jersey so I could talk to my mom. The lines were all tied up. Brian had tried to come over. You see...he had been working out with Chris and saw the tower get hit on TV. He had raced to my house...but I was asleep in the room farthest from the door, and didn't hear him pounding. He was coming over again. Finally got ahold of my mom...she hadn't heard from him yet. Understandable, but not what I wanted to hear. I tried calling my brother. No answer. I tried again, and again...until finally his roommate answered his phone. Matt was in class. And he didn't know what class he had. I was hoping to try to meet him after his class so he would hear it from me, not somewhere else. But, he didn't. He heard it on the bus...on the way home from class.
Brian came. He ran into my room. I remember him knocking over my phone on his way to me. I was sitting in my desk chair rocking myself. Attempting to comfort myself. I felt so alone before he got there. I grabbed my rosary beads. He took me to Matt's. On the way to the car...some jerks were cracking jokes about the attacks. I could only cry harder that people could be so cold. Maybe that was their way of coping...I dunno. When we got to Matt's and got inside we hugged. Hugged like maybe if we hugged hard enough Dad would be okay. Then we sat and watched more TV, and waited. And waited. Friends called asking for news. I didn't have any. And while I appreciated and loved them for their calls...I needed my phone to stay free so my mom could call. I was desperately praying for my mom to call. For my dad to get home safely. Matt asked me if I thought he got out. I didn't really know what to say. Because half of me was preparing myself for if he didn't. I tried to be the optimistic big sis.
I thought about stupid things. I hope he grabbed his Palm Pilot (yeah, remember those things???). I had spent a lot of time that previous summer typing endless addresses into that thing for him. I thought about how my picture is somewhere in that rubble. That creeps me out still. I thought about a clock that Matt and I had bought him for his office. See...stupid things. I thought about important things...college. Could we finish? My mom...would she stay in NJ or move closer to us? I thought about who would walk me down the isle when I married Brian. I thought lots of things. It's funny what flies through your mind. I remembered stupid arguments and amazing times. I remembered TCBY evenings with just he and I, and how I would give anything to just sit with my dad one more time to have darn Chocolate Shivers with Peanut Butter Cups mixed in.
And we waited. We watched those planes crash and buildings collapse over and over and over. My phone wasn't ringing. When my mom finally did call it had been a looooong time. But, in my mind it felt like years. I both dreaded and hoped for the phone to ring. I wasn't sure I could pick it up. But, I did. He had made it out alive. I was lucky. We were lucky. And I thank God every day for my dad. I always did before. But, now it's different.
It didn't end there though. Coverage on the TV continued and I couldn't stop watching it. Even after getting to talk with my dad on the phone that evening I didn't feel a whole lot better. Don't get me wrong. I was relieved, grateful...but, when you don't get to see that person...hug them...it's all still a bit surreal. It's not like I could just fly out there to see him...planes weren't going anywhere. I had school. My dad had to pick up the pieces of his work life somehow. I didn't get to see my dad until Christmas. That was hard. I called him everyday for a while. He said something to me I'll never forget. He said, "It's harder for you because you didn't know if I was okay. I knew I was okay the whole time." Interestingly...he didn't really know what all had happened until he got to be home and saw it on TV. I won't go into his side here...or this post won't end. ;) But, my dad amazes me. He is an amazing person. I am very lucky, privileged, to call him my Dad.
Life goes on. It's weird. After that you feel frozen in time for a long time. The world keeps spinning, but you're stuck. It has taken time to get past that. But, every year...on this day. I feel stuck. I feel like I need to see my dad. I feel like I just need to give him a hug. Not to say anything really. Just to hug him. To feel that he's there. To show him I love him.
It's amazing what has transpired in the last 10 years. I graduated from college. We got darling Grace. I became a teacher. I got married to a wonderful man. We bought a house. We received our two gifts from God...Gabriel and Lorelai, and I became a SAHM. We lost sweet Grace. We moved to Oklahoma. And Paisley joined our family. And I thank God that all of these things my dad gets to be a part of.
Parents can be a gift. Mine are. And my dad sure is a great one:
Complete with bow. ;)
I love you, Dad!
