Parental Challenges: Religion
There are so many things that are challenging for me as a parent, and some things that come easily to me. One thing that is unexpectedly challenging for me is religious upbringing.
I grew up in a Catholic home. I always looked at it as...I'm Catholic. I didn't give it much thought pre-college. I mean I thought about religion...I just took for granted that I was Catholic...and didn't really think about other Christian denominations.
But, parenting religiously? It's a hard thing to do. Brian is not Catholic. That didn't phase me before.
HA! How little I knew back then. Do you ever wish you could go back in time and tell yourself things? This is one of those things. It wouldn't have changed my marrying Brian, but I would have better prepared ourselves, myself, for the future responsibilities I was to face.
So, along come kids, and how fun it is to take a baby to church. Really...I liked it. Everyone doted on them and talked about how sweet and cute they were/are. Then they hit the toddler years and you just feel overwhelmed. They don't want to sit still...they get bored...oy! But, I didn't feel like the nursery was a place for my kids at church. If they're going to come, they're there for a reason, once baptized they are members of the church so they should be in church. And I like the idea of family being together in church.
Truly...my kids are REALLY well behaved in church. I'm very blessed, but even with one or both (yes, I have taken both!) with me things still feel off. I am surrounded by families consisting of not just mom ands kids but dads. I have never felt so...alone. I took for granted that my family all went together all of those years. And a heavy weight began to sit on my shoulders. The realization that I have a VERY big responsibility before me. Much bigger than past me ever could have realized. You worry so much about their physical and mental health that you sometimes lose sight of their spiritual well being.
Now I would NEVER force Brian to go to church with me. He does go on Easter and Christmas with us. But, as our kids get older I want them to know that religion, faith, means something to their parents. And what better way to model that then to pray at home, have conversations about God, and to go to church.
But, with Brian's discomfort with the Catholic Church I have really struggled lately with "is this where my family belongs". I don't by any means agree with all of the Catholic man-made teachings. I do understand that with any ancient organization it will take a looong time to create change though. So, do I abandon the Catholic Church for something different. And when I look at other churches online or through talking to others they just don't sound right for me. I belong in the Catholic church...this came to me through a lot of prayer, talks with my mom, and a lot of research.
This didn't solve my family dilemma though. More often than not both kids are clamoring to go to church with me, and while I adore having them with me it also makes it a lot harder to get anything out of going. I spend my time making sure people aren't dropping things under pews, falling off of kneelers, and very little time being "present." Usually I take turns each week...one week Gabriel goes, the next Lorelai goes, and on days I lector I go by myself.
Last week, while getting in the car, Brian was helping to put Gabriel in his car seat while I got Lorelai set up. And Gabriel asked Brian why he wasn't coming to church. WOW! We thought we had a while before he was able to make that observation. And Brian was clearly at a loss for words. I made up some lame excuse about how he had to take care of the dogs. But, that didn't satisfy Gabriel. The entire mass he wanted to know why the 3 of us came and Brian didn't. How do you explain to your 3 year old that Catholic beliefs leave his dad feeling left out? An outsider in a situation where all should feel welcome?
Mostly I want my kids to know that God is of the upmost importance in his parents' lives. And Brian, being the awesome dad that he is, has offered to come to church with us, to help me teach that important lesson to our children (especially our incredibly inquisitive son). He has also read a book about Catholicism so he can understand it better and help teach our kids about it more effectively, and someday, when they can understand better, what his disagreements are with the church. But, what matters now is that we provide a unified front that God is important to us...and we'll confront the "Catholic" issues as they arise.
You can already tell that church is important to Gabriel. He has asked me at least once every day in the last week if we can go to church. He adores the hymns. I'm so glad that he sees this as something he can share with his mommy. And I am so thankful that now he'll be able to share it with his Daddy as well. I never thought I'd stress as much about this way back when we were planning our wedding as I have the last few months.
God has truly blessed me with a husband who is willing to see beyond differences and help me in raising children of faith in the best way that I/we know how.
I grew up in a Catholic home. I always looked at it as...I'm Catholic. I didn't give it much thought pre-college. I mean I thought about religion...I just took for granted that I was Catholic...and didn't really think about other Christian denominations.
But, parenting religiously? It's a hard thing to do. Brian is not Catholic. That didn't phase me before.
HA! How little I knew back then. Do you ever wish you could go back in time and tell yourself things? This is one of those things. It wouldn't have changed my marrying Brian, but I would have better prepared ourselves, myself, for the future responsibilities I was to face.
So, along come kids, and how fun it is to take a baby to church. Really...I liked it. Everyone doted on them and talked about how sweet and cute they were/are. Then they hit the toddler years and you just feel overwhelmed. They don't want to sit still...they get bored...oy! But, I didn't feel like the nursery was a place for my kids at church. If they're going to come, they're there for a reason, once baptized they are members of the church so they should be in church. And I like the idea of family being together in church.
Truly...my kids are REALLY well behaved in church. I'm very blessed, but even with one or both (yes, I have taken both!) with me things still feel off. I am surrounded by families consisting of not just mom ands kids but dads. I have never felt so...alone. I took for granted that my family all went together all of those years. And a heavy weight began to sit on my shoulders. The realization that I have a VERY big responsibility before me. Much bigger than past me ever could have realized. You worry so much about their physical and mental health that you sometimes lose sight of their spiritual well being.
Now I would NEVER force Brian to go to church with me. He does go on Easter and Christmas with us. But, as our kids get older I want them to know that religion, faith, means something to their parents. And what better way to model that then to pray at home, have conversations about God, and to go to church.
But, with Brian's discomfort with the Catholic Church I have really struggled lately with "is this where my family belongs". I don't by any means agree with all of the Catholic man-made teachings. I do understand that with any ancient organization it will take a looong time to create change though. So, do I abandon the Catholic Church for something different. And when I look at other churches online or through talking to others they just don't sound right for me. I belong in the Catholic church...this came to me through a lot of prayer, talks with my mom, and a lot of research.
This didn't solve my family dilemma though. More often than not both kids are clamoring to go to church with me, and while I adore having them with me it also makes it a lot harder to get anything out of going. I spend my time making sure people aren't dropping things under pews, falling off of kneelers, and very little time being "present." Usually I take turns each week...one week Gabriel goes, the next Lorelai goes, and on days I lector I go by myself.
Last week, while getting in the car, Brian was helping to put Gabriel in his car seat while I got Lorelai set up. And Gabriel asked Brian why he wasn't coming to church. WOW! We thought we had a while before he was able to make that observation. And Brian was clearly at a loss for words. I made up some lame excuse about how he had to take care of the dogs. But, that didn't satisfy Gabriel. The entire mass he wanted to know why the 3 of us came and Brian didn't. How do you explain to your 3 year old that Catholic beliefs leave his dad feeling left out? An outsider in a situation where all should feel welcome?
Mostly I want my kids to know that God is of the upmost importance in his parents' lives. And Brian, being the awesome dad that he is, has offered to come to church with us, to help me teach that important lesson to our children (especially our incredibly inquisitive son). He has also read a book about Catholicism so he can understand it better and help teach our kids about it more effectively, and someday, when they can understand better, what his disagreements are with the church. But, what matters now is that we provide a unified front that God is important to us...and we'll confront the "Catholic" issues as they arise.
You can already tell that church is important to Gabriel. He has asked me at least once every day in the last week if we can go to church. He adores the hymns. I'm so glad that he sees this as something he can share with his mommy. And I am so thankful that now he'll be able to share it with his Daddy as well. I never thought I'd stress as much about this way back when we were planning our wedding as I have the last few months.
God has truly blessed me with a husband who is willing to see beyond differences and help me in raising children of faith in the best way that I/we know how.