So, I got a response from more people than I thought I would. And who knows...maybe a few more will join the discussion. I hope they will. I find it fascinating. Marissa...maybe you would like to jump in from the position of a new mom who just returned to work?
Sonja responded and brought up some good points. She especially focused on divorce in a SAHM situation. And as you mentioned, Sonja, I brought up religion so it was definitely fair game.
I will respond to the religious part first. I said as a Catholic I do not believe in divorce. First off...that's a broad statement that I should probably clarify. I do recognize that it happens, I'm not in denial. lol (Just in case anyone was wondering.) And I do agree that if one person decides that they want a divorce there may not be a lot that can be done about it. My husband's parents found themselves in a situation such as that. I agree also that one's opinions are based largely on experience. I think you will find that many people who end up in divorce do not always believe that marriage is or will be forever. They say the vows, but rarely think much on what that really means. Forever...that's a LONG time. And your aunt's situation is a rarity amongst the divorced grouping. A divorce rate of 30% is a lot lower than it has been in recent years so that's a great thing! And I believe I read somewhere that divorce rates are higher in the Bible Belt due to a higher rate of poverty in the South. There are many many many things the Catholic Church does wrong. That is one of the reasons I choose to remain Catholic...the Church will never grow and change if everyone who thinks differently leaves. With that said...plenty of Catholic people choose to not follow certain "rules." I for one am a rule breaker. Yes, it's true. I know...you're all incredibly disappointed. I use birth control! GASP!!!!! I know...your jaw just hit the floor. Granted it is for personal medical reasons and not exactly for the prevention of pregnancy, but I take it nonetheless, and the Catholic Church does not condone it. Honestly...I agree that we don't need 5 bamillion children per married couple. (And frankly after having been pregnant...who would want to have more than a couple?! lol) And just because people have premarital sex, get divorces, and have abortions doesn't make it okay...that just means people do those things. I know I wouldn't be promoting any of the above to my kids (not that I won't teach them about how to be safe in case they decide that abstinence isn't for them). I'd rather them be safe than end up a grandparent in my 40's. But, anyway, the Catholic Church is also a large group...and we all know that change doesn't happen quickly. Especially in institutions with such history behind them as most religions.
However, I do believe that the Catholic Church does try harder than most churches by providing engaged couples with several required avenues for marrying in the Catholic Church. Things like Engaged Encounter Weekend, PreCana, and pre-marriage counseling allow couples to investigate topics they may not have discussed before. Thus, if all goes right, leading to a better foundation for marriage. Hopefully this results in a lower divorce rate amongst Catholics. I also want to say that there are reasons for divorce (and sometimes the Church won't grant you an annulment). Abuse should never be tolerated, physical or emotional. I do believe strongly that by having a positive outlook on your marriage, realizing that people do change as they get older, understanding that marriages go through phases and take A LOT of work sets you further ahead in the game than those that enter blindly thinking things will always be like they were when you were dating. If you prepare yourselves for what is to come (as best as one can) and communicate about everything the likely-hood of divorce is much lower. Too many people enter marriage on a "love high." And anyone who seems to have the "perfect" marriage...well, in my opinion they are the ones doomed to fail, because nothing is perfect. Something isn't being talked about that needs to be.
Now...on the income side. In some states women actually make out really well in divorce, especially if children are involved. You eluded to this, but I just wanted reiterate as it was slightly hidden behind your main point. And yes, I agree...all women...no matter what their employment status should have some sort of plan for life without a spouse. (You never know what the future holds as you pointed out.)
On the Stay at Home Housewife front...this is kind of where not having kids is, as you put it, your "caveat." As a teacher I spent summers at home and for the last 3 months of my pregnancy as well. It is a very different situation. It is definitely nice to have a relaxing stretch of time, but it can become tiresome and I also began to feel as though I wasn't pulling my weight. However, being a SAHM is NOTHING like that at all. I am in constant need. Feeding, changing, comforting, playing, cleaning, running errands, cooking, walking the dog...the list goes on and on. I could go every day without sleep and still never get everything done. I wouldn't even get close. And I never feel like I'm not contributing...I'm taking care of our child. That's definitely a major contribution to the family.
My mom and I were discussing this further on the phone. And, I wanted to mention. My mom did work as my school librarian for several years until we moved to Texas. Since it was at my school, it was the next best thing to coming home to my mom since, I just had to go downstairs to the library. (She was one kick butt librarian too!) We also discussed that often times women who want to "have it all" often times end up falling behind in some area whether it be their relationships with their children, husband, family in general, or their job. (Watched Jon and Kate Plus 8 lately?) Something is going to suffer. It may not always be the same thing...but it will be something. I can't tell you how many times I heard teachers complain that they were always spending time with other people's children (after school programs, after school tutoring, grading and lesson planning). Now, we love our students, and we chose that profession, but it can be difficult to know that your own family suffers for the benefit of other families. So, I guess one has to ask themselves, "Am I okay with my children playing second fiddle to my job?" We also mentioned that most children get into "trouble" between the hours of 3-5. (I did read that somewhere or saw it on some news program...but the exact one escapes me.) Why? They're home unsupervised. I mean...the majority of teens having physical relationships do it in their own house while their parents are at work!!! This means you could end up a working grandparent. And you might ask yourself, "Why is my kid having this type of relationship as a teen? Maybe I'm not there for them enough?" I know I would be asking myself that. Not saying being home will prevent all things from happening...just something to think about.
